Ok, here's the deal: no one gives a shit about Seattle except Seattle.
Ok, here's the deal: no one gives a shit about Seattle except Seattle.
Are you an underweight, introverted, ultimate-frisbee playing programmer who loves biking, hiking and yourself? Is an ideal Friday night smoking a bowl and then driving your sport wagon to a progressive political rally in the rain? Move to Seattle, friend - you're home. Otherwise, you might not fall in love with:
- A city so cold, but not cold enough for snow.
- People so cold, but not cold enough to be real.
- Darkness every day between October 1 and July 1. And that one instant every 19 days in the winter when you see the sun, it's so low in the sky that it only serves as a faded memory of a better time.
- A constant light rain that is so persistent you will no longer remember the fundamental differences between dry and wet.
- A self-righteous, politically-correct culture in which you could get fired by your employer and exiled by your friends for expressing any view outside the ultra-liberal company line.
- Girls that are determined to be masculine (those REI leggings don't hide your regret).
- Men that are determined to be feminine (that beard doesn't hide your lack of backbone).
- The worst drivers in the country. Statistically. There's no mandatory driver's education and the scars can be seen on most cars.
- Construction everywhere. Condos mostly. Clogging every roadway, creating noise and ugliness. We need a place to keep Amazombies at night after all.
- Seahawks fans whose ubiquitous "Sea-hawwwks" chant is reminiscent of your grandfather hoking a loogie onto the nursing room floor ("12th man" was stolen from Texas A&M, by the way).
- Rent prices that you would expect in the great cities of the world, not the afterthought of the west coast.
- Boring, bland food that is overrated and under-portioned (shout out to awesome salmon sushi - you're still cool).
- Entitled bikers who savor every opportunity to condescend and pose in their overpriced gear.
- Impossible, impenetrable traffic from 4pm-8pm, as if there was somewhere across town that people expect to be less depressing.
- Drab clothes and style. The color palette includes grey, black, light grey, dark grey and light black. And traffic-safety green.
- A deceptively thin beer culture - two mediocre breweries are the only thing on tap anywhere.
- A omnipresent passive aggression that underpins everything in the city outside of the three sunny months. It leads to a social stasis. A year will pass but you will only remember those three months.
- Every town immediately outside of the city for 100 miles in either direction north/south is strip-mall-ified hell.
- People are generally ugly, out-of-shape and unkempt, thankfully they're covered in baggy nylon rain gear for most of the year.
- Sneakily the most racist city you've ever lived in, but you're probably not black or hispanic, nobody here is.
- High sales tax. But it's needed to fix what-I'm-not-sure. Maybe to relocate homeless people one block in any direction.
- The only active nightlife is around Capitol Hill, which is quite dirty and has an awkward gay vs. bro underlying tension you can pretend doesn't exist.
- Roads are falling apart and busses are obnoxiously large and a public nuisance. Maybe try walking - just don't make eye contact with bikers or they might spit on you - but who can blame them? It is pretty damn depressing here.
Welcome to Seattle! Hope you enjoyed your flight in(as long as you're not from California, we hate those guys, go back home). Today we're going over 10 COOL TIPS for living in a COOL TOWN like SEATTLE. Lets just jump right in.
1. Have fun: With approved activities us northwesterners take part in such as: video games, biking in an orderly fashion with a GROUP, I repeat, WITH A GROUP(only), and buying things. Also, Hempfest is in June every year, so if you enjoy good music* and smoking weed with antisocial teens/twenty-somethings in the grass, this is for you! Just don't have too much fun!
2. Be yourself :^): As long as you don't cause any trouble, we accept people from all walks of life! Just be sure to dress just like us(boys, that means no loose fitting anything! What are you? A plumber? Or homeless? :^) And girls, bust out those Northfaces and leggings!) talk just like us, and preferably, wear glasses. Oh and be white, please.
3. Become part of the thriving social scene!**: Seattleites are known for being incredibly social creatures. Do not be afraid when you receive a solitary nod in response to any given question, for a Seattleite, it requires much effort to respond verbally. Also remember, when using public transportation try to maintain your volume at a low decibel level, as Seattleites can become agitated and/or threatened if voice exceeds whisper level.
4. We welcome all races!: As long as you stay in your protected strongholds of Kent/Tukwila/Rainier Beach, we welcome you with open arms. Just don't come in our PCC's, please. And stay out of our parks.
5. Keep tidy at all times!: Despite Seattle being the birthplace of grunge and stoner rock, as well as kind of spawning most of the alternative scene in conjunction, we try to keep everything pristine here, and it would do nicely if you don't upset things, thank you :^). Your ripped jeans WILL be frowned upon. We loved it when that guy Nirvana did it, but you're not him silly. And we're actively trying to remove any 'city' elements from our town. That could bring problems like DRUGS(that aren't weed and craft brews I mean).. Though we should put a few safe injection sites around, because you know, we care. Enough to give them a surplus of supplies to use, and a clean place to meet for drug exchanges, because we got rid of the fucking tent city underneath the bridge that served as a containment center for the homeless, until we couldn't hide that anymore from the public.
Hopefully, with your cooperation we can become a more green, more pristine city, and we will be taking ballots soon for whether or not to outlaw spitting outside.
6. Learn to drive a whole new way!: You'll find yourself adapting to the roads minutes into coming here. If you're not backed up in rush hour, you'll find limitless opportunity to prove you too can be as aggressive as us(only behind the wheel of course), or so passive you become an obstruction on the road.
7. Get hype!!!: You can't keep up if you're not caffeinated from the moment you hit that starbucks drive-thru. If you get caught even slightly off guard, on the job or otherwise, you'll get that weird look of 'what a fucking idiot'.
8. You will find love***: Men in Seattle are so starved for affection that you will frequently find regular working class men and above with hamplanets, or better yet, their wonderful stay at home Aryan houseplant. Girls can get away with anything here. Even joblessness. Or grotesqueness. Or just an entitled/condescending attitude that at least 80% of the females embrace as themselves. Take note ladies, you're better than him! Just because.
Then again, most of the influx of tech workers are at least borderline autistic, so it's pretty fair all around.
9. Leave the past in the past!: No one wants to hear about where you're from. If you're not from Seattle, you're probably a dumbass. This is after all the last place where anyone in the world has sense, and clearly the best place. Ever. Seattle. Go Hawks.
10. Oh, introverted world :^): Best place hands down to hole up in an overpriced apartment with your spouse and just. Shut off from everybody. Until the next time you log into facebook and reassure your (possibly not real)friends "Yeah we should make plans sometime", until they eventually get the message, at which point you should now have the appearance of being 'normal' and having friends(+250 preferably) that don't bother you.
Social activity may be limited to eye contact on the street**
If you're female***
So I moved here about three years ago to take a job. Mind you that I moved from Philadelphia in the East coast where people can be rude, but you never have to wonder what they are thinking about you. I think that the grittiness of the East Coast makes people more secure about who they are. Seattle natives (in my opinion) are lacking in culture and real-world experiences, and this I think is one of the main reasons for their anti-social and dysfunctional behavior. Ask a Seattle Native about hardships and they’d talk about a barrister messing up their coffee order, or being “triggered” by someone at the gym. Further exacerbating the problem is the fact that they mostly live in a bubble. In all honesty, no one outside of Seattle cares about Seattle. But to the locals, they consider themselves trendsetters and progressives. This is in fact the most racist city that I have ever lived in. On the surface it appears all great, but once you begin looking beneath that you realize that this city is laden in bigotry and hypocrisy. They talk about minorities as if they feel sorry for them and love taking on "pet projects" to save these people. But once the white power structure is challenged they begin showing their true colors. Not to mention that if you don't assimilate then you are left out in the cold. This is completely find by me, save for the fact that they go out of their way to remind you that standing out is not what they do in their "great city." "No on here uses umbrellas (which is a boldface lie), "we don't wear those," "we don't use those words".... and the list goes on and on.
I've moved around a lot ....came to the Artsy city to explore my love of art and embrace the beautiful place. Rudest, darkest, gangster driven, inconsiderate, evil hearted, sneaky, conspiracy, paranoid, over rated, under appreciated place I have ever been. Never in my wildest imagination could I comprehend the bizzare evil and sad state the energy I feel here. Maybe evidence for non believers it will take an act of God to turn the hearts of whatever it is here that is soooo Fun&%$ UP. Such a beautiful amazing place with just shit evil everywhere. In the shadows no less. Word of encouragement to those experiencing bad. Hang in there!!
Another day in the life on the "Eastside." High fives, invisible comrade. Where art thou?
Today, I entered into the post-office in Kirkland and just as I was entering, a woman with a three year old and her hands full of letters slammed the door right ON me. Luckily I only had car keys in my hand, so I managed to push the door open, so it didn't fully slam in my face. I turned to look over my shoulder - they ran away. What a parental example if ever there were one! I gave a dirty look, but they kept marching on in their delusions. (the mom is probably going to get a botox injection on her day off. ) Before they left, I screamed, to see if anyone would look - and no one did. Typical.
And...., you know why no one looked? Bystanders were too busy gawking at another clumsy clown with an infant. In the post office! Cluttered mail just falling everywhere, even on the infant's carrier, which the woman literally dragged along the floor! and as she was doing so had the mail falling. No idea what you are on lady. The child was screaming and I could hear "it" over my earplugs. So, pretty much, the post office just turned into a nursery 3 seconds after I had a door SLAMMED in my face.
Only in Kirkland, would someone find this to be amusing, and an older Chinese woman purchasing stamps at the counter looked back: "awwww how cute." Um, it wasn't cute when the mail was literally falling on the infant's carrier on top of the infant. Did you see that part?! Wow!
I kept giving the woman dirty looks, and muttered under my breath, "wear a condom." Not one person in line had a joined evil eye. Everyone, kept cheering and asking if "it" was a boy or a girl and blah blah and commenting on how cute "it" was.
Another delightful day. Shoot me.
There's a difference between anger and hostility and this website is out of control. I'm interested to know if a sister site exists with a real moderator, and not some narcissistic troll Seattlite. If so, please make a post.
Oh, and thank you to the individual who gave the prison sentence analogy. It helps me to sleep at night and not react to people who literally run into me every day, simply when I am walking... well, anywhere. Some guy, just the other day at a local natural food mart was speed walking and ran right into me- *while* he was carrying flowers which will later be received by his tramp, narcissistic and conceited love interest. I gave him a dirty look and it didn't phase him in the slightest. I kept my mouth shut and kept marching on.
Truly, I feel desensitized due to all the passive aggressive behavior. I do use expletives, when legitimately angry but never direct them towards someone. And, that is more in writing, anyhow, as opposed to verbal dictation.
Here is an example of a backlash encounter I had the other day:
Just two days ago, I very politely told a woman who was interrupting a conversation of mine, "I'm not talking with you, can you please leave." Boy, was she livid! She left, slammed the door of the cabin, and before she left called me a "bitch" to my face. Wow. I very kindly asked you to leave because you couldn't read non-verbal cues that I WASN'T making eye contact with you.
The sad part is the folks I was speaking with said nothing to her, and they oversee her. At one point they said, "she means well" and "she's going through a difficult time." (um, as if I weren't?) And, calling me a "bitch" to my face means well. Wow.
I ended up writing a letter to the overseer of the (dis)organization, but don't expect anything to come from it.
A very clear example of why the whole passive aggressive cycle is perpetuating itself. And, for the RECORD, that's an assault right there. *Technically speaking* In a SANE society, even non-verbal cues can be considered to be an assault. But the sheer VOLUME of people who will accept this behavior as the new "norm" are forming some sub-cult of pure EVIL.
In Seattle - hope for the best, but definitely expect the WORST, and don't expect your assaults to be fairly handled. Even if the woman were to be charged, she would likely spend her entire prison sentence contemplating "revenge" as opposed to "learning a lesson."
In this post I will try my best to avoid delving deeply into a cathartic, repetative, and rage filled tirade about the painfully obvious flaws typical of the scum fuck shit stain "people" and the problems surrounding them, who inhabit this region. I would simply like some opinions. Is there any real solution for living amongst the masses of these insular, provincial, narcissistic, bad mannered, FAKE, lemming, entitled, coddled, pansy ass yuppy FUCKS? Or is the only real solution to simply pack up and leave to let these dipshits masturbate to themselves in the mirror, fully outfitted in their tour de france biking gear? It's hard to believe that masses of transplants have the financial means or ability to move here, get settled in, and quickly thereafter be able to spend another small fortune to get the fuck out of this god forsaken place once reality sets in. What do those of you with financial or occupational obligations (that come from the civilized world where people have manners, are GENUINE, say please and thank you, think freely, and know how to drive) do to endure and thrive in this necrotic purgatory known as the northwest? Especially without becoming exactly like these classless meth breath, trustafarian, hipster, dip shits, or another BORING fat ass pretentious bbq stained faced football worshiping mongoloid? Is there any solution other than being forced to leave for your own mental health and quality of life? Or must you conform, and bow before the almighty "emerald city" and its blissful and proud inbred populous to endure this beautiful soggy hell?
Years ago, I lived in a different state - SOLO. Far far away from Seattle, Washington. At this point in life I was weekly venturing out to live music gigs and pretty active with that part of my life regarding some artistic pursuits. That's all that can be said.
A friend of mine in a local band in Seattle, Washington was living out of his van, and once had confided in me when our paths had crossed. When I Iearnt of such, I was extremely livid! My first thought was, "what the fluff, why are your FRIENDS letting you live in your van?"
Now, we all have flaws, blah blah, but really? Your band mates that you ROAD TRIP with and who you have confided in with your deepest of secrets are letting you live out of your goddamned van! WTF! That's not a flaw, that's a CRISIS!
Immediately, I wanted to drag him to my city and show him love and care and compassion and have him live in an extra bedroom available in my apartment. But, he was IMMUNE. He didn't have the eyes to see. He was so used to being used by "the scene" and being mistreated and back stabbed by frenemies in Seattle, Washington.
Months later, a friend from my city told me this same friend had been mugged (male) in Seattle. Fuck!
A year or so later, I had my own hardships and moved to this area Eastside bumblefuck because I read of some laws and services that may be able to help me in my particular life situation. One day, I popped into a sandwich shop where my friend formerly worked. No one there had ever heard of him. Hmmmm..... I thought maybe I had entered into the wrong shop.
Three months later, I found out from someone on an online dating website that my friend in Seattle had died. I did some research and later learned the cause was a drug over dose. I won't say much more....Fuck!
Let's just say I saw the writing on the wall WAYYYY back. Over a year prior. No one else did? So much gossip going on about me that I am a drama queen in that scene. Um, hello, I am substance-free, I have a different pair of eyes than you! I CARE! In Seattle, Washington, there is no "let's sit down and talk about XXX." Help is out there! It's up to you to take it, but it's there. But, you need support, friends to ride you, make calls. Not one person in your Seattle, Washington art/music scene can support you? Dear Lord!
Please, get your friends help before they unnecessarily die at age 36. If you are reading this, and you have friends in Seattle, Washington that have any addiction issues or housing issues - take them in. It really IS that bad, and 1,000 times worse than what they convey. I have witnessed insane asylums first hand in the state of Washington. Don't send your loved ones there. Try your hardest!
So, I've been slightly "browsing" the internet for a different living situation in Seattle, Washington and just happened to come across this snip-it in a housing ad:
"Hi, I have a room for rent in my house that will be available in the coming weeks due to a roommate moving out (Leaving on good terms; moving in with gf! :) )."
So.....you have a room available. It is irrelevant to me why the room is available. Why do I need to know that your housemate is moving in with his or her partner? Adults do that all the time, it's called being a grownup! LOL!
Just for the sheer fact that this individual is putting his or her housemate's personal business onto the web for all to see, is showcasing his or her level of trustworthiness, right there!
This narcissistic individual probably thought, "oh, what if the prospective renter thinks *IIIII* yes capital *IIIII* did something to push the housemate away? Like, oh my gawd! Someone grew up - in Seattle it's age 45! hahaha.
People drift apart all the time. It's called LIFE! There is no utopia. You aren't *that* important. Stop obsessing about the *why why why of everything - the person is probably laughing at you and not with you and about to get a restraining order because you are nosy fuck*
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