I Hate Seattle

A strange sort of claustrophobia


I moved here about three years ago for a job, against my better judgment. You see, I never wanted to move here. Beautiful place, love the weather and trees, but the social culture is bizarre.

I had fully intended to move away after my first year but then fell in love and like a stupid fool, I stayed. During this time I have maintained strong connections with friends back home, but here is a completely different story: people have kind of a deer in the headlights look about them and neither understand sarcasm nor self-deprecation as humor. I know that this is supposed to be one of the most literate cities in the US, but at the same time people don't seem to have either common sense or social skills, and for whatever reason they don't seem to have much of a sharp edge. I am not saying we are the scions of wit from my home state, but there is much less of a doe-eyed lost look when people converse.

The beau and I broke up, and I realized that I can't stand to be here another minute. Again, stupidly, I signed a year lease before I realized that I may take up the habit of cutting my own skin if I continue to live here. How hard is it, really, to break a lease?

Posted by Serah about 8 years ago in general angst - Permalink

does anyone know of a good doctor?


i can't take another doctor who is nasty because i'm a southerner. bit of an emergency.

Posted by heartbroken about 8 years ago in - Permalink

To "I Hate Seattle"


Hi! I appreciate your site so much! I read where you said "maybe you're smart enough to guess who we are, hint: not funded by vulcan". I don't have a clue. Who are you?

Posted by heartbroken about 8 years ago in wondering who owns the site - Permalink

Beware downtown scammers!


So I was walking home from downtown today after work, and some guy approaches me with some bullshit story about how his mother has suddenly fallen ill in the hospital and he has no money for gas, so won't I go with him to help him get gas? (not sure what the sick mother had to do with gas money....)

I mean, it was such an obvious, textbook grift. The way he held out his little notepad scrawled with random phone numbers and tourist map to distract my attention, as well as his mannerisms just seemed rehearsed and fake.

How can I be so sure it was a scam, you ask? Well, it's because I was approached by the EXACT SAME GUY trying to feed me the EXACT SAME STORY about a month ago. If I see him again, I'm posing a picture here. He was a nerdy looking white guy with short light brown hair and glasses (I know, that doesn't exactly narrow it down here). But, if I ever come across him again, I'm taking a pic and posting it all over the internet.

So by all means, make a tax-deductible donation to a reputable charity organization, but for the love of god do everyone a favor and don't give anything to people on the street. Doing so only supports drug-related crimes and makes the city more unsafe and scummy for the rest of us.

Posted by aulus about 8 years ago in vagrants, scams, no good deed goes unpunished - Permalink

this isn't funny, i just can't sleep.


i haven't slept. i can't study. the neighbors across the alley... they do it. they do it all night. and all morning. sex is one thing, but they aren't having sex. they're killing each other. the grunting. the howling. the inhuman "AAAHHHHH!!!!!"

i've tried slamming my window shut. i've tried sleeping in a sweltering room with pillows over my head and white noise going. i've tried yelling "please close your window when you do it." i've tried yelling "i can hear you with my window closed, please have some respect." i've even tried yelling "for god's sake i'm trying to sleep!"

if i had the stomach i'd stand in my window trying to follow the animal sounds to a window across the way, walk over to the building, figure out the buzzing system and, yes, i've contemplated buzzing their apartment. often. buuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
all night.
but that doesn't seem likely to work out.

so i dream of suicide. if i get to dream at all.

please. you dirty, stinky, unshaven, ugly tattooed, coffee drinking, green tea snorting, pot loving, berkenstock wearing, bra-less mother fuckers.... please... shut the hell up while you're making another progressive little hippie abortion.

thank you.

Posted by superloop about 8 years ago in sex neighbors rude loud - Permalink

seattle stories


If you want to be sick to your stomach - "seattle stories" by real seattleites. I only got a few seconds in to the first woman.


Posted by heartbroken about 8 years ago in "it's such a booming city", seattle phony smiles - Permalink

The Punishers and "The Bag"


I'm as angry tonight as I have ever been, almost. But it ends in tears of frustration and feeling hurt every time.

A woman started to cut in line at lunch, and I started to call her on it, but abandoned the idea. She kept an icy stare at me, so I looked at her. She said "Would you like to go ahead?" I accepted, since I was feeling faint from not eating. Then she punished me the whole wait in line. She really got creative w/ it, for a Seattleite.

Then this evening I bought a $75 comforter at Target in Factoria. Too late to notice, I got the checkout guy who fought me on not giving me a bag a few weeks ago. "It's just a bag" I said. He tried to put my new towel in my takeout bag from the Greek place. I yelped "Hey, there's food in there." He made a big deal of looking into my big purse, as if there was room. He had this Ted Bundy psycho smile the whole time.

Tonight he didn't bag up the comforter. I asked for one. He said "There's a handle". He continued to fight me even after I said I might have to get the manager, after all, it's just a bag that costs maybe 1/100th of a cent (it was the cheap bags). The checkout girl across the way stared. The customer behind me stared, like how dare you insist? It wouldn't fit in a bag finally, so they all exchanged superior smirks. I hated that typical white, upper middle income middle-aged streak blonde bitch behind me.

When I got done paying, he got even more -manic smile, and left the comforter on the counter and looked at me and gestured with his head and said "Go on. There it is". Bold as shit. The lady behind me smiled.

I went up front to talk to a manager and got stalled by two little girls, then the asst. manager, a big blonde hoss was so passive agressive. They wouldn't give me a complaint form, said they were all out. I started to leave, but she challenged with mean eyes "We don't have bags to fit that, sorry", like she wanted to start something. I said "You know it isn't about the bag". Ironically the bag broke when I pulled it off the counter. She did put it in another single bag. I had her doublebag it.

So I thought damn, and I started to write out a note but their pen wouldn't work on the formica counter and I asked them for a backing and they just stared and didn't move a muscle.

I ended up throwing the pen, screaming and cursing and I was in really a blind rage, because I'm sick of putting up with it. I told her I was angry because she had treated it like easy come, easy go. She said "I apologize, I'm really sorry that that's the way you perceived it." I said "Why don't you just apologize for doing it?" She said "You have a nice day". I can't take it anymore. Stupid, nasty, mean people, always challenging me at the get-go, and they're like dog with a bone. They never let go, until they've worn you down and/or someone's going to jail/hospital.

Even reading this, I can't describe the way it was. How pleased she seemed, feigning surprise at the same time. They're always so confident, like they know they'll be backed up here.

I have an accent, it's not like their goose honk ugly accent. So they know I'm not from here. I know that's part, if not all, of it.

Posted by heartbroken about 8 years ago in psycho smile, more environmental than you are, breaking in line - Permalink

P.O.W. CAMP SEATTLE 2009 the series (A quinn martin production)


Opening scene:
Nickels the huge gasbag prison manager is sitting at his desk eating. A prison guard enters the room.

Nickels: What seems to be the problem now (burp)?

Guard: Well, the new prisoners from other states are putting up a lot of resistance.

Nickels: (goes and sits on the toilet continuing to eat) Oh yeah? How so?

Guard: Well, they refuse to stop bathing; they sneak into the showers in the middle of the night to bathe, sir, and they have soap hidden everywhere.

Nickels: Well that's not very nice.

Guard: They refuse to report on each other.

Nickels: (Picking at an infected old tattoo) That's not good (burp).

Guard: And...sir? Sir? Please don't walk off while I'm still talking to you.

Nickels: You're not from here, are you, son?

Guard: I've lived here 25 years, sir.

Nickels: Yeah, but your grandpappy wasn't born here. What else have they done?

Guard: Well, the mind control doesn't seem to be working on them very well.

Nickels: You mean that after all the spirit-killing shunning by true Seattleite Blood Folk, the constant darkness, being mistrusted, shut out of the job market, shitty food, unsanitary conditions and that persistent long, note A flat that we play out of the air raid sirens, that they still aren't cooperating? (blows nose on sleeve)

Guard: No, sir. I mean yeah, they aren't.

Nickels: Well, then son....give 'em a head start and we'll gun them down in the streets. That'll show them for trying to live here and breathe. And pollute our in-bred gene pool.

The scene closes with a disgusting array of Broadway Capitol Hill losers coming in to give Nickels a massage with Teriyucki Oil.

Posted by heartbroken about 8 years ago in mind control, filth, cruelty - Permalink

Six questions for Seattlelites who travel


So here's my questions for locals when they travel (they apparently travel a lot):

1. Do you get the reaction that people think you're nice but look at you strangely because they also think you're a dim bulb or nitwit?

2. Do people stare at your all-over body tattoos, nose ring and dayglo streaks in your gray hair (not terribly common in 55 year olds)?

3. Do people ask you where you are from, and then ask you if your house is on a dirt road?

4. Do people move away from you because when you're talking you are in fact YELLING and everyone can hear each word of what you are saying and are not so interested in learning the details of your UTERINE SCAR REMOVAL?

5. Do people ask you to go home or back to wherever your were SPAWNED when you relieve yourself from any orifice at will in public?

6. Do people look aghast as you French kiss your dainty dobermann?

Posted by Tom about 8 years ago in loud, stupid, dirty, fat, vulgar - Permalink

proper sidewalk use


i have a question, and maybe someone who has lived here longer can answer it for me: where am i supposed to walk? no, i'm serious. you see, i walk on the sidewalk and joggers of every size shape and level of stinkiness not only come running directly at me, but they do so while staring me down until i've crammed myself into the shrubbery so they may pass without having to deviate from the perfectly straight line that must be essential for proper running form. i would jump toward the street but that's where the bike lane is- and that is a place more dangerous than the nascar track. you see, "bike lane" is a regional idiom. it's actual meaning is closer to what people elsewhere call "the tour de france." cyclists in this lane are not just commuting from place to place, they are racing against the world, God and ball-stealing-cancer. don't even think about stepping into this area. well, not unless there is a bike on the sidewalk. you see, people in seattle are so much more open minded and intelligent than the rest of the country that they have discovered the bicycle functions on both the street AND the sidewalk! you can see how this would be very exciting! but don't worry- they keep it cool. someone in another city might ride on the sidewalk, their eyes wide with surprise, making lots of noises like "yipee" and "look at me!" but not here. when seattle folk are barreling down the sidewalk on their fixed gears they are so relaxed you'd swear their eyes were closed! and quiet? oh you wouldn't even know they were there if they didn't make those disgusted grunts when they are about to knock you ass-over-tea-kettle. anyway, it sure is nice being in a city so active and free that people routinely risk each other's health in order to maintain their own. i've learned a lot here! except for one thing: where am i supposed to walk?

Posted by superloop about 8 years ago in joggers, bicycles - Permalink

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