I don't like to brag, but I think this is pretty hard to top
This is from my blog. It happened last year about this time.
Yesterday evening I was parking my car in front of my building on the street. I live downtown. Downtown, if you see a space on the street, don't circle round the block or it will be gone. I pulled up alongside the car in front of the space, and, instead of going around me, this car came up behind me. I hesitated, hoping she'd back up, 'cuz this was a sweet spot. Finally she did. She backed up to be beside the car behind the space and just sat there. Weird. So, I parallel parked. I touched the car behind, but just barely, and finished parking. The woman in the car was still sitting there. I realized later that she had actually waited to see if I would hit that car behind me.
She pulled up to me as I opened the trunk to get my groceries and I said "What's up?" She said "You hit that car". I said "No I didn't HIT it". She did the eye snap thing like You totally did, but she didn't say totally she said "You HIT...that car! You need to leave your information for him." I said "Look I barely touched it, okay?" and I examined the car's bumper. Not a mark because I didn't hit the fucking car. I started wondering what the relationship was between this woman and an unknown person's car, which had a ticket on the windshield.
She just sat there looking at me with her eyes wide open. "You hit that car" she said. Cars were coming up behind her, then having to go around. I said "What do you want me to do?" She said "I want you to leave your information on that car". I said "OK" because I was tired and then I said "Wait a minute, I didn't do anything so there's no reason to leave my information". She said "I SAW you hit that car. I'm a claims adjuster and I see this kind of thing all the time!!! You hit that car!!!" She was checking her cellphone.
Well, shit, why didn't she say so? If I had known she was a pro I would have put my life in her hands and gone to turn myself in to the police for something I didn't do.
I was too tired to launch into her, so I just took a deep breath and said "Listen. Don't you have somewhere else to go? It's after work, why don't you go home and put your feet up?" She said "I'm not going anywhere, because I'm not going to let you get away with this!" Uh-oh, golf club/windshield time, some would say. I knew then that she's an ex Hall Monitor.
So I said "Ok, I'll leave my information". She said "Good! Do you have paper and pen?" I said "No, do you?" She searched and searched and couldn't find one. Remembering later that she didn't have pen and paper, I said "Good! That means she didn't take down my license number". A friend of mine said "Yeah, but she's probably the kind of bitch that has a photographic memory". From years of squealing on people, always trying to get the details right, because details can make her case stronger, right?
I said "Ok, I'll leave a business card", and I put some salesman's business card on top of the unknown car owner's ticket under the wiper.
So she finally pissed off. I went to pay for my parking space and I didn't put enough money in and it stopped at 5:51 damn it. So I just thought, you know the way she looked at me as she drove away, it wouldn't surprise me if she called the cops. So I took off and went and double parked in front of my building and dropped off my groceries in the lobby. As I came back out, I saw there was a woman motorcycle cop and a police van at the 4-way. Just because this psycho is a psycho, I thought it likely that she did call the cops. So I thought to err on the side of caution and park elsewhere. Turns out, I had to, because there was nowhere else within 4 blocks to park.
You know, it didn't make me angry so much as just depress me that this woman is such a friggin' spider and I happened to unwittingly get snagged in her web. If some people think you have some quality they don't have, like class, or the good fortune to find a sweet parking space, they immediately begin hunting for something wrong with you, so they can convince themselves that you're down on their level. For example, if they can get you mad, screamin' and shoutin'.
Wouldn't you love to have her for a co-worker: "I saw you take that paperclip (Eye snap). I totally saw you